tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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