First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize