Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
