i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
