I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
