I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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