the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
