He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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