dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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