you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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