No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
