are you so shy because you have an std?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
