Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
