Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
