she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
