I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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