this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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