the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
