he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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