looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
