Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
