She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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