i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
