You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BRING THE BAGELS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize