My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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