Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize