We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
two words...techno handjob
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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