There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
