Buhtt sex?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
