just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize