My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
