Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize