there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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