yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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