nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
