escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
