I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
