The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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