bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
