When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
