giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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