I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
