Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
