He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
