five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im part way to drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
