DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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