she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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