mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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