I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
