If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
