I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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