please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
