Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there was a trapeze. enough said
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
