Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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