I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
