I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
