I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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