Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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