Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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