dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My ATM looks so different sober.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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