You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
