i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
