Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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