At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
