left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
