I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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