6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
