He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
