my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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