So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
