I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
