You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
