every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
